So my track record now has been-
♠ Stayed with family once (the first time, when I was in sixth grade).
♠ Stayed at our (old) home during the day, went to neighbors house to bathe/eat/sleep (eight grade).
♠ Stayed at mom’s acquaintance’s house (tenth grade).
♠ Stayed at our current home alone (eleventh grade).
♠ Stayed home alone (first year college).
♠ Stayed home alone (second year college, two months ago).
The last time I stayed with someone else (in tenth grade) I realized how much I hate when other people try to control my life & everything I do. I mean, to be honest I feel stifled when my parents do it as well but still, they are my parents, they do everything for me so they have the right to be controlling to some extent. So it was after that disastrous stay that I made up my mind never again to stay with elders whether they’re family/acquaintances/whoever (this does not rule out having a roommate, as long as they don’t try telling me what to do). I like my independence, my freedom & my sanity.
I remember when I stayed at home in eight grade a particular family member used to keep calling home to check that I was there, only because I was sometimes outside making paper boats or playing scrabble with a good friend (who my mom knew & approved of, for the record). I figured ok, I was still a kid then.
Fast forward to two months ago when my parents were going on vacation to New Zealand & I decided not to go along. A lot of people my parents knew asked my mom whether I would like to stay with them (I even had family calling me to Goa, that would have been so lovely if I didn’t have college), many more offered told mom to give me their numbers so I could call them if I needed anything. Even the lady who made my life hell for a week the last time I stayed with her repeatedly asked my mom to ask me to stay with her, my mother kept saying no but she was very persistent, she finally asked me & I said no. My mother supported my decision to stay alone 100% & I totally love her for being the kind of mom that she is. In the end I guess she knows & trusts me, that is very important in any kind of relationship.
Finally my parents went & this lady called me to ask about what would be acceptable calling intervals to ‘check on me‘ – those were here exact words so I will give her points for honesty. She called every two-three days to check, offering to send some food etc. which I politely declined. Frankly anyone calling at home was slightly annoying because I slept & woke up at very odd times & close friends knew to message me then wait for a call (or they would have to hear my super sleepy, disoriented voice).
She called again on Christmas to wish me & asked me whether I had any plans. I said no, to which she replied, “Yes of course all your friends are with their families & you are home alone,” in a sarcastic tone. I am not usually a sensitive person but she caught me during a low mood. I did think she was close to us & it hurt me that she said that. I started to avoid all phone calls that day just so that I wouldn’t have to field everyone’s questions about how I was doing, I was doing great, thank you.
My parents came back in January & soon after they settled in my mom called up the said lady & after exchanging pleasantries the first thing this lady told her was that I was always home when she called.
That is when I really really lost it. If my mother trusts me enough to leave me home alone who is she to keep a check on me, it is not like my mom asked her to. I try to tell myself that I should be accepting of people & that these are just her quirks but now I am really angry, she says she treats me like a daughter so I really do pity her own daughter & how she got treated growing up. When I talked to my mother further about it, it turned out that this person kept insisting to my mom that I would be continuously partying either at friend’s houses or calling friends over. Also once when a male acquaintance from another city was staying over she told my mom in a very serious tone to make sure to not leave us both alone at home & my mother scoffed at her right then.
I guess I’m asking the same question that I asked throughout this post, if my mother is secure enough to trust me & give me freedom to be on my own why are other people acting so controlling about it? Do they think that my mother is definitely an irresponsible parents & they are trying to keep me, a supposedly wayward person in line?
I don’t get it. Earlier I told myself that these people behaved like this because they cared, now I’m not so sure of their intentions. I am definitely distancing myself from people like this.